The Truth & the distraction
“He knew in his heart the physical world was only one dimension to his’ existence.”
I wonder if it is because sometimes we lie or embellish the truth that in turn we struggle to know when someone else is doing the same? I suppose once again this only pushes the envelope on the idea that telling the truth always yields sacred fruit. Imagine a world where when people lie to you, it feels off. You know in your heart of hearts that the tone didn’t make sense. Their body language felt foreign to the message being spoken.
I’ve known first hand both extremes. Once a notorious embellisher, now attempting with all my might to be an honest witness of all events (more than I was, not yet as much as I truly desire to be). People lock onto your eyes when you speak it. People breathe sighs of relief around you when you do. They know over time more clearly who you are and what makes you, you. This might seem beside the point but it means they begin to see your intent through honest consistent behaviors. Words are cheap, but actions have shaped the world.
I am not a happy person per say but I want to be. So I fight the good fight. I avoid things that I know will make me sad inside. Pornography. Alcohol. Weed. Playing games when I know I should be working. Basically anything that makes me feel afterwards like I’ve taken a few steps back from God. “God please help me to no longer live in a near constant state of Sin.” Alas, I back slipped once more and am living in a state of Sin, it’s my fault, firmly and truly. So once again I must pick myself up and resolve to repent against my own choices. The Goal remains to bring my own behaviors in line with Christ to the best of my current abilities. Of course I will fail, it doesn’t mean I don’t love God, it doesn’t mean I won’t still succeed in the end, it just means this, it’s not any better when I did it. It’s not any less of a Sin just because I desire not to commit myself to any given behavior that is not deemed good from Jesus’s actions to our hearts. I am essentially doubting Thomas squared, at this point. I have seen and still struggle to believe, this is how small my faith has dwindled. And yet, some not so small part of me carries hope for a still brightly shining future.
I of course owe this good part of me to the source of all goodness, God Himself. “Thank you God for helping me especially when I clearly do not deserve it.” If it were up to me, I would be cast out forever in the dark, I am a petty cruel teacher of past wrongs and the inability to pick up future rights. The world would be a far more terrifying place if I was God. He is clearly a more patient being then I or any of us for that matter. How often have you begged another human being not to give up on you, only for their answer to be, self preservation? We are after all limited beings with a finite sense of time left to live. With so many of us imagining painfully I might add, a black nothing waiting for us on the other side of death, it’s not hard to understand why when in a state of facing it, so many of us turn weak and or wicked. Once more, I ring the bell, it doesn’t make it okay. To understand something is not the same thing as to justify it. We all know laying in bed alone at night whom we’ve been. No one, no matter how devoid of conscious can outrun who they are to self & others. Some not until that final moment before exit, others long before and to great aplomb knowing full well the level of work committed to correct, at least a whisper of an outcome most pleasing awaiting them.
What story awaits me? What story is waiting for you? These are the questions that supersede all other immediate concerns save for death & taxes, twins I might add. We are essentially obsessed with knowing what kind of story will play for us. After all, in our own story we are the main character making choices and thus a co-author to the outcome. How often have we stumbled not bringing ourselves worthy of a good end, only to have created the obstacles themselves? Thus many of our self help tools are temporary tricks to get us to action. A proverbial horse if not trojaned in would never wander in to find its proper place. Do you manage your time well? Do you count your days? Are you scared of who you are and the reality of the path that you have been on?
Paulo Coelho, famous for writing, The Alchemist, has said, “Routine is killer.” Thus how we spend our days is to be a multiplier of the life we will end up co-creating. Do you spend your days committing yourself to doing things that brought you joy in the long term? Are you chasing after momentary ones instead? Is there a compromise that is not evil, just more balanced? If you could take three steps back and see yourself as another person, what would you say of that fellow traveler upon the path? Fear often keeps us from doing this for ourselves, do you struggle with this too?
Do we not have a beam in our own eye? Does it not take all of our attention span working on self to keep it from knocking into others as we walk to and from? When pulled away from inside, to be outside present with others, we set aside our inner selves to help one another creating an image beyond self. If done for good reasons, it heals a part of us, if done for petty weak wicked ones we wilter the eternal. Essentially getting back what we gave filtered by intent. I have seen first hand in myself how deeply wounded I have become for the times in which I clearly did not put the needs of others before myself. Temperance this with every time we’ve ever meant well but still failed, then further yet still with any time we successfully did both. In time, an image is formed, one that is not self made soothing material, nor is it meant to keep us from living in joy, but rather like a mirror showing us, who we have been. For me, no greater mirror exists in all of mankind then Jesus Christ. For you it might be something or someone else. Jesus tells me not to judge you, only to work on that beam in my own eyes, after all, it’s a full time job and requires almost all my immediate self. So of course, when we do meet outside of ourselves, that it might be in a place of learning, knowing, loving & healing instead.
Grateful to be alive and to have a future instead.